can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
