the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
