Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
