Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize