You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize