you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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