Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
