I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think my fart just growled at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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