Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
