i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
