im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
