This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
