You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
