i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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