he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize