I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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