So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
