I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
