Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
