you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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