i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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