I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
