His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
