All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
