So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
