Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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