I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
