My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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