i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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