You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
