Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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