I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You ruined the universe
Randomize