We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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