i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize