I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
