i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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