Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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