I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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