ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
