Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
