and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize