Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
