from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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