omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
