my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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