how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
