Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
