He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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