i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
