i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
