watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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