He told me they were just razor bumps!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
