never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
