She's JV to your varsity
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
