respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
