he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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