Yo dont text me then not text me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I AM VODKA MAN
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
