I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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