Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
