You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
