In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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