Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
