She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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