Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
