i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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