i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
