I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
