worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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