Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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