this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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