woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
