Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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