Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
