So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
