the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
