The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
