I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
