I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
