just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
