Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
