plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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