oh god the rape fog is back!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
