Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
