I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
