Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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