i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
