so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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