I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
