Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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