my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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