hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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