Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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