the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
