I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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