Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
