Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
