a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
