WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
