How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
