i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
