Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
