there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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