I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
