I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize