i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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