im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
