this beer tastes like vomit already
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
