Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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