I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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