i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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