i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We got so high we made milksteak
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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