I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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