all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize