He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
