I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
