oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
