that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
