Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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