your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
