There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
