Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
