Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
