I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
