Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
