Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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