If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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