Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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